And the winner of the blonde travel faux-paux award goes to…

So a couple weeks ago we can recall my asking a seemingly average looking man who turned out to be a custom’s official to light my Cuban Cohiba Cigarillo. I believe I topped that experience today with the help of a gay flight attendant threatening to arrest me during the first leg of my flight home today.

I worship the L’Occitane’s Immortelle Cream Mask for flying as it’s a very thick creamy base and putting it on before (or during) a flight can prevent the haggard appearance one might acquire from being thousands of feet higher in the air than god had intended. You know the look: sunken eye sockets, porous skin, dryness and overall dead looking skin. Not that it’s a major issue because you’ve just flown but who DOESN’T want to look as fabulous as a Virgin Atlantic stewardess getting off a trans-atlantic flight yet ready for the photo shoot of her life.

So yeah, this little cream moisturizing mask is amazing! Just about a “thick” quarter’s worth is all you need to cover your face and neck. I stopped bringing the actual canister with me because it was heavy and bulky and started requesting the samples every time I passed a store since they have more than enough to spare. Well the sample size is like most “cosmetic” sample sizes, a little piece of plastic containing a few servings of the product. It tucks very nicely into the pocket of my backpack carry on and is easily accessible.

With our delightful new flight restrictions no gels, creams, liquids or any such family are allowed on board. Imagine my completely innocent mistake of forgetting to unpack it from my backpack. OK, no need to imagine it’s a pretty simple concept.

Well after we took off and had our snack I felt slightly boxed in by my row-mate and decided to just apply the cream at my seat. Usually I go to the bathroom to put it on in a mirror so no embarrassing white streaks are left behind. I was applying the luxuriously thick and hydrating cream when I heard (not to pull a Kathy Griffin) the gay inhale. You know which one I was talking about.

I turned to face my accuser:

“What, do I have a streak on my nose or something?”
“Do you realize you are a terrorist THREAT right now?” in a hushed overly dramatic raspy voice that only I could hear because my row mate was too busy listening to a presentation being read to him.
“Uhhhhhhh … it’s moisturizer.”
“I can have you arrested for this, give it to me immediately.”

I begrudgingly handed over my little sample size that had only been used one or two times and continued to rub the cream into my face.

“Do I have to go through the rest of your luggage?”
I rolled my eyes and went back to the computer.
Something tells me I should have flirted back with the little queen when he tried to flirt with me asking for ID while pouring my cocktail. Eh, whatever. With any luck L’Occitane will feel the economic crunch of no sales in their airport stores so bad that they universally lower their prices. A girl can dream can’t she?

Lesser of two evils or everything happening for a reason?

Mmmk. So I’m finally back where this blog started … which would mean the blog is ending … wait that can’t be right. Did the blog itself even start? Yes I have two weeks of Euro-Travel etc. to catch up on but I’ll have plenty of time for that given my flight schedule today.

The theme of this quickie is about LaGuardia Airport. After the incident in England I was telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I had no idea why the fuck I was scheduled to go to LaGuardia for my departure from New York when it has NO non-stops (to my knowledge or available) on American to LAX. Then when the shit hit the fan and it was evident the bigger the airport you were in the earlier you had to be at the airport, I realized it was fate that I was in a smaller airport to be happier in the long run.

Not so. I figured what the hell, play on the safe side and get there SUPER early. So for a 2:20 flight I scheduled transportation at 10:30 A in the city to get me there with enough time to avert any issues. Any other extra time could be spent lounging in a massage chair and typing this lovely entry.

WELL … even the premium Check-In was booked to the door. Shockingly though all this extra time at ticketing left the security lines on most of the concourses WIIIIIIIIIDE open. UNFORTUNATELY my flight left Concourse C. One would expect all of American’s flights to leave the same concourse especially if they were splitting said concourse with another airline. If all of American’s flights were on the same concourse then one could deduce their frequent flyer’s lounge would be in said concourse. So much for deductive reasoning.

Apparently despite the major flight and connection cities being in concourse C, the Admiralty Club is naturally in concourse D. This of course meant that after going through security in C and having one of my favorite porns scrutinized by an amused (and I think secretly gay) security agent, I had to leave said security area and now go through D.

This usually wouldn’t bother me as I have a gotten traveling (and security check points) down to a science until today. My typical travel outfit is a t-shirt, shorts or pants depending on the weather, and thin soled flip flop sandals (no matter what the weather). No belt. No keys. No sunglasses. Cell phone already stored in carry-on. The only fuss I make at security is taking the laptop out. Otherwise I’m typically ready to walk right through.

Now apparently even my flip flops are under scrutiny because magically they now have the ability to contain plastique explosive. They couldn’t before when the shoe restrictions are on, they couldn’t DURING the massive shoe restrictions, but now they apparently have the ability. Both times (and a third when I go back into C) I will have to walk on that nasty ass carpet. Needless to say two things will come of this development:

I will be forwarding my podiatry bills to President Bush-Whacked
I will no longer be receiving inquiries from foot-fetish clients

Yes yes yes … certain people are probably already writing their posts about Scott Adler the drama queen who can’t take a little walking and is sooooo high maintenance yadda yadda. Get over it. LOL. It’s a joke and merely for other’s amusement and information. If anything I’m being altruistic by making sure other people don’t make the same mistake.

Moral of the Story: Get to your flight early … but know exactly where you’ll be spending your time till you take off. AND carry-on’s WITHOUT liquid really are so much lighter.

Now back to the massage chair … which for the record if you haven’t tried one of those $1 airport massage chairs … it really will be one of the best dollars you’ve ever spent in an airport.

Chris Model Paris

Alrighty .... well I wasn't sure how long it would be till my review got processed and someone is traveling soon. And since I am taking FOREVER processing my euro-trip blog ... the entries will come I swear .... here's this in the meanwhile.

You can find his stats and more pix of him And here's the review I posted. The rest of the details will eventually be on Daddy's review site which will be up soon but I think his rate was 200 €/hr.

His contact info:
chrisdickass@hotmail.com
+33 06 23 47 36 08

Here's the review!

Planning this trip with a client turned close friend, he said that we should mix it up with a third or two in our respective cities. In addition to Rentboy.com’s boys taking forever to respond and Paris not having so many well reviewed boys that were both of our types, I decided to use alternative methods. GayRomeo is Europe’s free version of ManHunt/Adam4Adam with a special section for escorts. Chris looked incredibly hot in a cute boyishly lean way that exemplified the Paris boy we both wanted to fuck.
After two bad experiences meeting people for coffee on Gay Romeo my first day in Paris, my expectations for Chris were pretty damned low. I figured he’d have gained some weight or be anorexic and not have the skin portrayed in the pictures. Third time must be a charm as Chris was perfect. He was tall, lean and gorgeous and I was ready to devour him the minute he walked in. The three of us chatted a bit and we complimented him on how well he spoke English. After discussing our arrival in Paris and the rest of our trip we opted to head to the bedroom.
It only got better as he took off his clothes and revealed a perfectly tan and smooth body and an ass that begged to be eaten. He kissed very well without getting overly “European” about it and slobbering. It was open and sweet with just the perfect timing and tongue inclusion. My friend and I took turns making out with him and then Chris and I took turns making sure he was happy. Chris and I eventually took over the bulk of the show with his long thick uncut dick sliding down my throat while he used his full lips to suck on mine. All the while I gently massaged a finger into his tight smooth ass. After a lot of back and forth of oral in different positions, my friend decided it was time for us to fuck.
Chris instinctively got on his knees and started rocking back rubbing my dick against his hole. I ripped open a condom and slowly slid into his ass. VERY hot. Definitely on my top lists of bottoms. He knew just when to contract his hole to make it better for me. While keeping him busy at both ends I gently stroked his dick. Eventually I pushed him on his back and started sucking and fucking him at the same time. I held his arms back and kept him from cumming keeping him on the edge for a while. After a bit I decided I was feeling left out and grabbed a condom and put it on his hard cock.
As I slowly pulled out he said, “I’m mostly bottom.” My response was, “try.”
With some more kissing and stroking he was ready to go and I sat on his dick. I bounced up and down and he seemed to know what he was doing topping as he pounded me from below. We kissed a bunch more and then he started jerking me off and I shot all over him face, neck, and chest.
After my friend got off watching this whole scene and participating from time to time, it was Chris’ turn. He was jerking hard but I just had that feeling he was the type that needed something up his ass to cum. Luckily I brought “Johnny Hazard” with me. I definitely consider it the perfect dildo, not obscenely sized but not small by any means. After some lube and sliding it up his ass Chris shot a huge load everywhere on his tanned chest.
We all showered and had a drink. He forgot his cigarettes in the room and we had a quickie up there while we were grabbing them. We saw him a couple more times the rest of the trip but nothing compares to the first. I should mention I met a couple other escorts for the sake of meeting for coffee and possibly hooking up in Paris. None compared or looked as good as Chris if you’re looking for his type. If you’re treating yourself to Paris, not seeing Chris would be like having a croissant without coffee – they go together..

Dear god has it come to this?

To the weak (or stupid) of mind. Think of this as my Modest Proposal as Jonathan Swift and I’m advocating babies being fed to the homeless. Not to be taken so seriously … or is it?

It’s a conspiracy:

As a result of the massive arrests in the UK today our entire country is going to go through an uproar and quite possible will cause a national traveling melt down.

Liquids are banned from carry-on luggage and cannot be taken through security checkpoints. That includes drinks, toothpaste, perfume, shampoo, hair gel, suntan lotion and similar items. Drinks purchased in the airport cannot be carried onto flights.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. This is an OBVIOUS conspiracy on behalf of several prevalent industries in the United States.

First is the obvious … the airline industry. No liquids and especially drinks that were purchased outside of the plane (even in the terminal) are allowed to fly? Oh come ON. Fine, nothing brought in I can accept (for a month or so) due to recent events. But drinks purchased in the terminal just proves that this is their way of showing they’re onto the traveler who likes to bring their own booze on and not spend $4 on a cruddy cocktail. This the airlines way of making sure you buy their mini bottles and their mini bottles only, perhaps an attempt to liquidate their current supply of glass bottles. This possibly leads to another conspiracy that will be mentioned later.

Next is the sneakier conspiracy is a joint effort of the luggage and clothing industry. Shocking you say? Impossible? What product SPECIFICALLY always breaks open in luggage no matter HOW HARD you try to pack it up and gets all over everything you have packed. A bottle of water? No. Perhaps a box of chocolate as gift for relative, no it’s not that. SUNTAN lotion! Yes, that creamy or oily gooky crap gets put in your luggage and gets all over everything. We’ve now uncovered a third conspirator in this plot. It’s no surprise that recently most suntan lotions have gone spray on for this very reason. They want you to replace your old lotions and oils and purchase new package sprays. It’s genius. The luggage and clothing industries are happy because if you don’t buy new lotion ... well you have to buy new luggage when the stuff you have gets wrecked or starts reeking of tropical breeze or carrot ginger. It’s brilliant!

Hairgel. Ugh those poor flight attendants. Thank GOD for powder makeup, I mean … Jesus these women (and boys) would be just hideous on these Trans-Atlantic flights without a little bit of touching up between journeys. And the frequent flyer will be none too pretty themselves. I know I’m freaking out because I dehydrate quite easily and without my hydrating cream mask from L’Occitane I don’t know what I’ll do. All these airport L’Occitanes might as well close because now nobody can buy ANYTHING in them to take on the flight. PARIS IS BURNING. L’Provence is doomed! Oh the humanity.

And while we’re on the subject of the poor (gay) male flight attendants …. oh who am I kidding. They’re all gay who needs parentheses. No gels on board? Well their hair is going to look awful now. And god forbid, the mile high club is doomed! AH HA. ANOTHER CONSPIRACY on behalf of our dear Chimp of Office, er chief. I swear I meant Chief. In his campaign for moral order he is doing a way with the mile high club. I mean, without lube how will anyone pull it off? No more lube on airplanes. I know every working boy is pissed now that they have to CHECK luggage. If these bans aren’t lifted by Southern Decadence I can tell you N’Awlins is going to be FULL of chafing.

My final conspiracy. As Walter Brooke said so elegantly in the Graduate …

“I want to say one word to you. Just one word.”
“Are you listening?”
“Plastics.”

Freeeeeeeeesh Meat

Well I like being on the front lines giving new information on the newest guys available. I have a super cute one for you right now.

Currently he's in North Carolina but will be back in school in Orlando very shortly. At the beginning of next year he intends on being in New York and I wanted to make sure everyone gives him the proper welcome he deserves!

His name is Brett Mathers and he is available for travel and is a very fresh 19 years old ;)

Here are his stats as noted by him:

Height: 5'6
Weight: 130
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue

Sexually: vers bottom

Location: Available in Orlando/Miami August 17th with plans to get to NYC.

Go get him boys ....

eMail: soccerjock624@gmail.com
Phone: 336.480.6023

http://www.maleescortreview.com/index.php?file=escort_search&action=Home&escort_id=106080460

Some Recent Images

Due to the unfortunate hiatus of the male4male site, I've decided to post some pictures here to have as weblink reference points and just as visuals ;)