{rant}

An excerpt from my forthcoming book … Conversations with Exes

“What do you usually watch, what are your favorite shows?”
“Law and Order and all of its incarnations.”
“I hate Law and Order. It’s the worst show ever.”
“What about the show do you hate so much?”
“Well nothing specifically, I’ve never actually watched it.”

::insert contorted face of confusion::

If you can follow that logic I hope to receive an email explaining it; though if you subscribe to it I’m almost less inclined to want to hear from you. :) That considered, I’m as lost contemplating the aforesaid thought process as I am pondering the angry bitterness that surrounded Gay Days at Disney Orlando this weekend in chatrooms, on ManHunt, among friends, and other newsworthless sources.

What degree of jaded bitterness does it take to condemn a group of people having fun and presuming to not hurt anyone in the process. Throwing apples and oranges into the same basket at a circuit party for e-tards to eat to sustain their Vitamin C is one thing, not understanding the differential between circuit parties and community participation when one refuses to participate is a very different bowl of fruit. Such mid-west mentalities demonstrate an elitist attempt at absolution from their own self identifying cultures. It exemplifies a favorite author (Susie Bright) of mine’s explanation of society’s perpetual need for “us and them” in order to provide a personal security to feel ‘holier than thou’ in her book Full Exposure.

How many friends do we have that engage in the cognitive dissonance of disapproval for a concept of which they’ve purposefully disengaged themselves from without any first hand knowledge of any and all possible experiences? How often do people just say something isn’t their thing only based on what they’ve heard from others? What percentage of these people turn into vehement black and white thinking individuals who deny themselves the gray area that allows human beings as free thinking individuals to at least consider other points of view? At what point does our scorn for those within our own communities turn into the slippery slope bordering on the homophobia that we as a community have spent decades to fight?

Awareness is the first step in any “problem.” Alcoholics have to admit that a problem exists, emergency medical technicians have to assess the situation, and the gay community has to realize that we are no longer simply an outdated statistic of ten percent of the population. I never have a problem being myself and having fun in public, but the atmosphere at Gay Days just changes when you know that you’re surrounded by other people just like you. The smiles on the faces of gay staff (which is just about all of them) at Disney are that much brighter. Seeing a sea of red when watching the parade makes me realize that no matter how bad I look in red – I’m not the only one.

Disney may have had its trouble with the gay community in early years but Gay Days at Disney is just like any other day there, they don’t ask if you suck cock or eat pussy before selling you your ticket. One is waved in and out with the same ridiculously oversized Mickey Mouse gloves regardless of what you’re wearing or who you’re with. Of course Disney does it for the money because it would be stupid for them not to. As altruistic as we’d like the world to be, there is a sense of commerce and quid pro quo in everything we engage in. But that’s the point, Disney doesn’t go out of their way to make this weekend work, they would just as easily host a comparable event that could generate comparable revenue. It’s not a sinister plan to block out the sun, it’s a party. What’s sad are the people who attack people that produce the party and attend because they don’t have fun at the party or sadder aren’t engaged while there. That kind of self importance is taking things way too seriously and verges on pathetically transparent.

Gay Days at Disney, Pride, Circuit Parties, Gay Beaches, Gayborhoods across the country – they’re all subjects of scrutiny for those that would rather see the gay community shoved back in the closet like old laundry. But we don’t, we come out in full force and remind the world that we are here, we’re queer, and we’re here to stay. When people say there’s no need to have events in which the gay community bonds I ask if they’ve ever heard of Stonewall.

Without those founding fathers mothers fierce mother-fuckers there to get all dressed up and establish that they weren’t going to take it anymore, who knows what state of politics the gay community would be in today? Stonewall begets Pride and any other celebration in which the gays spend time together openly. There’s a time for everything, Pride is on our calendars – nobody else’s. We tell people when Pride is and whatever sponsors want to be involved capitalize on the gay dollar because they can.

Reading the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi gives a lot of insight into the gay power mentality, afterall it’s written by a powerful gay author. We are the biggest disposal income in this nation, we travel the most, we are certainly some of the most visible cultures and sub cultures. The premise of elitism and again establishing “us and them” is inherent in all human nature. What Ferrazzi teaches is that establishing a foothold in whatever community or connection you have is the key to success.

Judging yourself through the eyes of others is obviously not something to strive for especially from an aesthetic point of view. But there is so much more to being part of a community than simply self identification with it. Immersing yourself as well as contributing is key before you can truly understand what events like Pride and Gay Days are all about.

Pride is about acceptance, not mine of you or yours of me – it’s about accepting that by being gay you are part of a vast and diverse community. Prides and events like these are open to anyone and everyone who wants to be a part of them be they a questioning twink or a muscle bear daddy in a harness. Pride shows us that like other communities in this country, our diversity is obvious and there’s a little something for everyone. Togetherness can only happen if you’re there so get up and see your community for what it strives to be, an open forum for you and anyone else who knows who they are and isn’t afraid to admit it.

Just because some people use drugs at these events doesn’t mean that it’s the norm and expectation for everyone. Music and math have always been considered the universal languages. Solving equations at Pride is not something I expect to see often but there will always be dancing. Whether people are “rolling” on the dancefloor or just enjoying the music, one thing for certain is that people from all backgrounds are there and they’re all dancing to the same beat.

{/rant}