Parodies a Plenty

To give you an idea of what happens in my apartment during moments of SHEER unadulterated boredom -- this is what happened today:

Justin and I both have a flair for the dramatic so we enjoy quoting lots of movies and occasionally breaking into awful over the top songs. Today was definitely no different. Typically our favorites are Troop Beverly Hills, First Wives Club, and The Devil Wears Prada. Musically Justin has been breaking out into renditions of Effie White from Dream Girls. Personally, I can't carry a tune in a bucket -- but I do what I can to keep up.

Anyway, he flounced into my room onto my bed (mine is higher up and more comfy so he apparently prefers it) while starting with the "tweaked" first line of a favorite Disney song of ours, "Poor Unfortunate Souls" from The Little Mermaid.

"The only way to get what you want is to become a hooker yourself." Banter about other words for different parts of the song started and after the dying laughter stopped we were searching out a template to re-write the song.

DISCLAIMER: SATIRE PEOPLE. SATIRE. I know there are people out there that love to rip me a new one whenever possible or hold things against me. This is all pure humor meant for people with the ability to laugh at themselves. Nothing is meant offensively and it pokes fun of people on both sides of the fence. If people that I respect their objectivity find offense in it I will gladly take it down and make an apology. I can totally see how some MIGHT get mad at it but it's all a parody in good fun.

Before people go attacking Justin and I, mainly me, lighten up and enjoy the song for what it is -- a parody of one of Disney's best known songs geared toward the escorting community. There are so many aspects to this community, there are social perceptions of what it is and what it really is. There is companionship and there is "just get down to it" sex. I don't think of anyone negatively and I certainly do not distribute a client blackbook.

DISCLAIMER II: As someone has pointed out to me, not EVERYBODY (though I find this hard to believe) has heard Disney's Song "Poor Unfortunate Souls" so a link to the YouTube of the original is at the bottom. It will be quite difficult to understand the music and beat of the song without it.


And without further ado, I give you ....

"Poor Unfortunate Whores"

ADLER

The only way to get what you want is to become a hooker yourself.

FRESH MEAT

Can you do that?

ADLER

My dear, sweet child.

That's what I do. It's what I live for.

To help unfortunate poor folk like yourself.

Poor twinks with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I've been expensive

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, high priced

But you'll find that nowadays

I'm mentoring my gays

to suck off, get on their backs, and maybe top

True yes

And I fortunately know a couple clients

It's a black book that I always have possessed

And lil’ twinkie, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the lawyers, the doctors, and the rest (they love it)

Poor unfortunate whores

In debt, in need

This one longing to be richer

That one wants to get the car

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate whores

So young, so new

They come flocking to my bedroom

Crying, "Clients, Adler, please!"

And I help them!

Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't raise their price

And I'm afraid I had to bounce them on my pole

Though I’ve never heard complaints

I had cause to use restraints

On those poor unfortunate whores.

Have we got a deal?

FRESH MEAT

If I become a hooker, I'll never have a chance at a career in acting or politics again.

ADLER

But you'll have your cash, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh. Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment.

FRESH MEAT

But I don't have-

ADLER

I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!

What I want from you is - your ass.

FRESH MEAT

But without my ass, how can I-

ADLER

You'll have your dick, your pretty face.

And don't underestimate the importance of fellatio, ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a twink who chit chats is a bore!

Yet in bed it's much prefered for hookers not to say a word

Have him cum, and then my dear you’re out the door!

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation

Most clients will avoid it if they can

But they’ll dote and swoon and fawn

‘Til accounts are overdrawn

I’ll teach you how to work them here’s the plan!

Come on you poor unfortunate whore

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy hooker and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your ass!

You poor unfortunate whore

It’s grand, go screw

If you want an easy life, my sweet

You've got to screw the troll

Take condoms and some lube

And go ahead and sell your soul
Daddy, Ozzy, now I've got him, boys

This whore is on a roll

This poor unfortunate whoooooooooooooooore

Prada and Gucci

Come winds of the Hollywood Sea

Vuitton and Calvin Klein

Max out American Express

La Dolce to me

Now ... suck!

FRESH MEAT

Aah ah ah .... ::mumble:: ::mumble::

ADLER

Keep sucking!

So again ... here's the original if you need the music and context ;)