Parodies a Plenty
To give you an idea of what happens in my apartment during moments of SHEER unadulterated boredom -- this is what happened today:
Justin and I both have a flair for the dramatic so we enjoy quoting lots of movies and occasionally breaking into awful over the top songs. Today was definitely no different. Typically our favorites are Troop Beverly Hills, First Wives Club, and The Devil Wears Prada. Musically Justin has been breaking out into renditions of Effie White from Dream Girls. Personally, I can't carry a tune in a bucket -- but I do what I can to keep up.
Anyway, he flounced into my room onto my bed (mine is higher up and more comfy so he apparently prefers it) while starting with the "tweaked" first line of a favorite Disney song of ours, "Poor Unfortunate Souls" from The Little Mermaid.
"The only way to get what you want is to become a hooker yourself." Banter about other words for different parts of the song started and after the dying laughter stopped we were searching out a template to re-write the song.
DISCLAIMER: SATIRE PEOPLE. SATIRE. I know there are people out there that love to rip me a new one whenever possible or hold things against me. This is all pure humor meant for people with the ability to laugh at themselves. Nothing is meant offensively and it pokes fun of people on both sides of the fence. If people that I respect their objectivity find offense in it I will gladly take it down and make an apology. I can totally see how some MIGHT get mad at it but it's all a parody in good fun.
Before people go attacking Justin and I, mainly me, lighten up and enjoy the song for what it is -- a parody of one of Disney's best known songs geared toward the escorting community. There are so many aspects to this community, there are social perceptions of what it is and what it really is. There is companionship and there is "just get down to it" sex. I don't think of anyone negatively and I certainly do not distribute a client blackbook.
DISCLAIMER II: As someone has pointed out to me, not EVERYBODY (though I find this hard to believe) has heard Disney's Song "Poor Unfortunate Souls" so a link to the YouTube of the original is at the bottom. It will be quite difficult to understand the music and beat of the song without it.
And without further ado, I give you ....
"Poor Unfortunate Whores"
ADLER
The only way to get what you want is to become a hooker yourself.
FRESH MEAT
Can you do that?
ADLER
My dear, sweet child.
That's what I do. It's what I live for.
To help unfortunate poor folk like yourself.
Poor twinks with no one else to turn to.
I admit that in the past I've been expensive
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, high priced
But you'll find that nowadays
I'm mentoring my gays
to suck off, get on their backs, and maybe top
True yes
And I fortunately know a couple clients
It's a black book that I always have possessed
And lil’ twinkie, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the lawyers, the doctors, and the rest (they love it)
Poor unfortunate whores
In debt, in need
This one longing to be richer
That one wants to get the car
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate whores
So young, so new
They come flocking to my bedroom
Crying, "Clients, Adler, please!"
And I help them!
Yes I do
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't raise their price
And I'm afraid I had to bounce them on my pole
Though I’ve never heard complaints
I had cause to use restraints
On those poor unfortunate whores.
Have we got a deal?
FRESH MEAT
If I become a hooker, I'll never have a chance at a career in acting or politics again.
ADLER
But you'll have your cash, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh. Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment.
FRESH MEAT
But I don't have-
ADLER
I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
What I want from you is - your ass.
FRESH MEAT
But without my ass, how can I-
ADLER
You'll have your dick, your pretty face.
And don't underestimate the importance of fellatio, ha!
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a twink who chit chats is a bore!
Yet in bed it's much prefered for hookers not to say a word
Have him cum, and then my dear you’re out the door!
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
Most clients will avoid it if they can
But they’ll dote and swoon and fawn
‘Til accounts are overdrawn
I’ll teach you how to work them here’s the plan!
Come on you poor unfortunate whore
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy hooker and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your ass!
You poor unfortunate whore
It’s grand, go screw
If you want an easy life, my sweet
You've got to screw the troll
Take condoms and some lube
And go ahead and sell your soul
Daddy, Ozzy, now I've got him, boys
Daddy, Ozzy, now I've got him, boys
This whore is on a roll
This poor unfortunate whoooooooooooooooore
Prada and Gucci
Come winds of the Hollywood Sea
Vuitton and Calvin Klein
Max out American Express
La Dolce to me
Now ... suck!
FRESH MEAT
Aah ah ah .... ::mumble:: ::mumble::
ADLER
Keep sucking!
So again ... here's the original if you need the music and context ;)
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