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Rentboy Cruise Volume 1

There must have been a convention. No wait, I just got back from that. Two weeks ago Los Angeles was overrun with boys from coast to coast and even some from across the Atlantic. Most were here to partake in the much anticipated Rentboy.com cruise – others were doing a west coast domestic tour – some did both!

Calm Before the Storm

So before the cruise I was happy to hear that my favorite duo from NYC were in town, Rick and Derek. After trying to navigate them from downtown Los Angeles to West Hollywood during rush hour, I took them on yet another exciting trip around the block (that was totally unnecessary) only to park at Koo Koo Roo. Since there was soooooo much to chat about pre-cruise and post message board we caught up over a deliciously healthy lunch.

Afterward we did a little shopping and encountered my favorite angry lesbian at L.A.S.C. Any homosexual male that doesn’t work at LASC and has been in knows exactly who I’m talking about. Nothing can be done to please her, even exorbitant impulse buying. As a result I’ve taken to being just as fake to her in the store and then waiting five paces walked out the door then turning around to catch her making faces behind my back. Maybe she’ll figure it out eventually.

Rick and Derek took me to my local workout store and showed me a new product that I’m excited about. Essentially it’s the Diet Coke of Muscle Milk. Surprisingly the company that makes and over-markets Muscle Milk protein powder makes another version of Muscle Milk called EvoPro which is essentially the same but virtually carb free so thus MUCH better for you. It begs the question … why not market them both equally especially the one that their target market would prefer.

It felt like a tag team match as I dropped Rick and Derek back off at the KKR (yes that’s an R) and picked up Jason Carter to escort him up to my apartment. Apparently Supershuttle is not good at the concept of streets North v. South of the boulevard which results in me telling Jason to “fuck it and meet me.”

The Weekend Begins

A couple days earlier, Brandon Baker our Mistress of Sin-eremonies had begun sending out itineraries with arrival times, lunches, social mixers and yes ….. even his dentist appointments. The first order or business was changing Jason out of his travel clothes and into something suitable for getting hammered.

It took little time for him to get undressed and start swinging his gargantuan penis around. Thoughts ran through my head of incidentals on his room service bill staying with me that he’d have to pay but I decided against them. We got dressed in our Thursday sluttiest and headed to one of West Hollywood’s favorite weekly events known as “Cocktails with the Stars” at Mickey’s.

It was here that the weekend got off to a big thick juicy …. er … um … a big start. Our first encounter was Ben Andrews fresh off a plane from New York city and ready to be the center of attention on stage. Between staying with Jason and running into Ben, I didn’t think I could be surrounded by bigger dicks that night but of course Trevor Knight made an appearance to set the tone for the weekend – Boys Gone Wild.

Brandon eventually showed up with our VIP hostess with the mostess Angel Benton and Rusty not far behind. There was more drinking, excessive photography M 2, and a particular drunken moment between myself and Johnny Hazard. I decided to inform him that his was the only dildo I had and would ever use.

A look of interest, confusion, and I’m pretty sure fear crossed his face but it resulted in him wanting my number so apparently interest won out overall.

“Come, we are ready for the floor show”



And what a show it would be. With all the characters in this group, inevitable costumes, and of course inclinations to perform -- this weekend was sure to be something out of the RHPS handbook.

One of the primary purposes of this Thursday evening festivity is to have porn stars on stage and prod them with …. questions. This night would be no different. There were a bunch of amateur straight porn stars there to look at and Ben. So of course this turned into a Straight V. Gay porn star banana sucking contest. As if there was any question who would win ;)

Soon after Mickey’s we began the pilgrimage east to Tigerheat. This yielded a great deal of drunk diversion. I don’t remember the cone being on my head but I believe it’s safe to say that this is evidence that it was there. What concerns me is that I can’t for the life of me figure out why my ass felt so sore in the morning.

We entered the Lounge where photography, though permitted, is nearly impossible. Needless to say it was a wonderful time. Rumors of Britney appearing were of for a change unfounded but if she were going to be appreciated at ANY club in LA on a Thursday night … it would be there.

Halfway through the evening my other houseguest driving up from San Diego sent me a message asking if he absolutely needed his passport or a birth certificate and ID. I didn’t notice the text message until half an hour later:

Do I really need them?

Uh yeah … kinda hard to get in and out of the country without them.

Shit … I have 2 turn around. See you at 3.

AM OR PM?!?!?

AM

The Morning After

Somehow myself, newly arrived Seth Fisher, and Jason managed to pull ourselves out of bed and rejoin humanity. I dragged us to the Starbucks attached to the Ram-It-Inn in West Hollywood. I typically refer to this Starbucks as the Beach as most Los Angeles/West Hollywood locals would much rather come here to take off their shirts and cruise guys instead of driving the 10 or so miles in traffic to the beach. I had caffeine and was Human Again …

After a little chatter I came to the realization that I still needed to pack so we could make the boat on time. I never understood why on earth the ship left so early. Every time I take there are always stragglers who misjudged traffic. But arriving at the bottom of the 110 freeway by the end of Rush Hour is NO easy feat. When I saw someone’s itinerary of leaving Hollywood at 3:45 to get there in time I chuckled a little and informed Brandon he might want to consider leaving a smidge earlier. Apparently he took me literally on that smidge but more on that later.

Our chariot black car van complete with VIP Guest of the trip Bruce Vilanch pulled up to my apartment to whisk us away for a weekend of boisterous conduct, debauchery, sin, volume and of course lewdness – and one can only imagine what we planned on doing in Mexico.

Under my cruise tutelage, Jason and I agreed that the best option for this trip would be a junior suite as any cruise is difficult to enjoy without a balcony. As the group started to come together on board, many people gathered in our suite on the veranda to watch as people boarded the ship.

What seemed to be concerning most of us is that nobody has seen nor heard from Brandon who was bringing a gaggle of boys including Angel Benton, Kyle Aames, Alex Cross. In tow was also porn star Nick Young.

After many phone calls alternating with the purser’s desk and Mr. Baker, it was decided that Brandon would not be making the ship. This concerned MANY people but more than concerning it was amusing. As I’m sure it’s been established by now Brandon made the ship….BARELY.

Brandon and company were literally the last to board the ship. The doors were shut tight behind them and obscenities were shouted as they ran with all of their luggage since they were far beyond the loading deadline. Never the less … everyone made it on. After a day of hard work (yes getting down the 110 during rush hour on a Friday is VERY hard work) it was time to take a quick breath to relax before the cruise of a lifetime began.

As the ship pulled out of Los Angeles Harbor an adventure began. Who knew if everyone would survive? One thing was for sure -- like all weary travelers that think they got away with getting out of town unscathed, there is a paralyzing moment of realization that there was something left behind…..our other VIP Host Jason Sechrest.

C’est la vie …

Bon Voyage … stay tuned for the first night aboard the S.S.SLUT