Scott Adler's Diary: The Edge of Reason

Weight lost since Paris: 4 lbs.; cohibas smoked: 2; boys flirted with online: 8; boys shagged: 0; perfect boys met that are dating material that live on wrong coast: 1; family hospitalized: 0; dollars spent in retail therapy: $936.15; best-friends diagnosed HIV+: 1

My morning began like many of those working off jetlag in NYC, a trip for bagels. Walking down the block to H&H I saw a homeless man on the sidewalk with a particularly simple sign:

“Homeless and REALLY REALLY hungry.” In the corner of the sign there was another message, “Stop the war.”

Feeling particularly compassionate for that hour of the morning without coffee and not having any change on me, I decided to up my order of four bagels to six and got an extra coffee. On my way out I offered him the bagels and coffee and looked at me like I was psychotic and told me to, “get the fucking Jew pastries out of [his] face.” I told him his sign was false advertising, threw out the second coffee and went home to enjoy my bagels.

I have known homeless people to reject food because all they want is money for drugs and booze but honestly, if you’re going to make a sign that says REALLY REALLY hungry then don’t be surprised (and rude) when somebody tried to feed you.

My morning continued as I slowly woke up and ate the pastries which curled my hair and lengthened my nose. Around noon I met some friends near Columbus Circle for coffee at Dean and Deluca. Before going to the gym in the dungeon of the building, I decided to make a quick stop at Daffy’s. Daffy’s is like my favorite place on earth. It’s like another Filene’s basement but with different lines and more men’s shoes. Half an hour there, ten of which was spent looking for the companion shoe to a perfect set of loafers and I was ready for the gym.

I had a really good workout despite the stares from random gay men because the only gym shirt that I had that was clean was the “Catcher” shirt from the Ajaxx line. Combine wearing that and doing squats and I was a target for a few admirers.

I went to do hip abductors (the two weighted thigh-master machines – one squeezing in and the other pushing out) when I realized the woman using the complementary machine to my own (squeezing in) was none other than cutie texan Renee Zellweger, the inspiration for this entry’s style comes from the acclaimed movie series Bridget Jones’ Diary. I was doing my sets and she was kinda just going and going so I eventually stopped and she looked at me and then with a perfect Texan drawl,

“Thank god, I thought I was gonna have thighs the size of horses if I kept that up much longer.”

We chatted about the irony of her waiting for me while I waited for her. Eventually she ended up working out near me again and feeling bold I ran to the Personal Trainers office and grabbed paper and pen. I jokingly said that since she appeared to be following me I could assure her I wasn’t a stalker and that my best friend who is her biggest fan would die if she got an autograph,

“For A -- , Missed ya doin our crunches!! Where’re ye? Sendin’ Warmest! Renee”

So fantastic. Well after a day of legs I could walk so I thought a little more retail therapy would ease the pain. My favorite store in Columbus Circle didn’t disappoint me and I got a few cute new things that I felt were very me and some shoes that were on sale for their very last day … I hate when the summer sales end. Another reason I was happy to be home – I got to take advantage of them while they lasted.

As I was checking out the gorgeous guy next to me was paying as well and I spotted his California Driver’s License … I used that to strike up a conversation and made sure to give him my number before I left. He went out the side of the mall and I walked toward the subway when he yelled my way and asked if I had time for coffee. Oh, too perfect. He was really sweet, had just spent six months on a cruise ship as a singer on a World Cruise from Hamburg to Barcelona or some similar itinerary. We cliqued really well but he had some stuff to do so we parted and made plans to see each other before I left.

I was walking on clouds … well … rather walking underneath the ground sweating and praying for the next train ASAP. I got home, unwound and felt like Hoku’s Perfect Day song was playing in the background. I had received word within hours of landing yesterday my family member was going to make a speedy full recovery, I got some great retail therapy in, the weather in New York was verging on tolerable and nearly perfect, met a perfect boy, and literally could just lay back and relax.

My phone rang and butterflies got me hoping it was the boy but it was my best friend at home, not a bad consolation though. We chatted a bit and he thanked me for my post card and we made small talk. He expected a voice mail and I had to explain about the family emergency. Reminded him I’d rather be bitter toward family and that Europe will always be there than be mad at myself for not getting to say goodbye to family AGAIN. He agreed and then tried to sound serious:

Him Me

“Uh, when you get home we need to have a talk.”
“Uh Oh, what’s wrong?”
“Well nothing really, just me being motherly – kinda bad news.”
“What did I do?”
“For a change nothing ::nervous chuckle::”
“Then what. Something going on about me behind my back I should know about?”
“Nah, nothings wrong with you … nothing deathly important or anything.”
“Just tell me!”
“Well, um. I just found out that … well … um …I’m positive.”

For the first time in my life, I had nothing to say. He’s been my rock for years (damnit I’m already crying again) and just the thought of him not being there sent shock waves through my body and to the pit of my stomach.

For the next hour and a half he told me everything, how he found out, why he found out, what doctors he was seeing, the prognosis they gave, the whole nine yards. The whole time he kept trying to crack jokes and make the whole situation funny. How had he accepted it so fast? He made me look like a mere courtesan in the Royal Court of Drama and he was calm cool and collected while I wanted to scream out promises of vengeance on the evil that did this to him.

Then he reminded me, it was something he did to himself. And it just came as a wake up call to me and in reference to everyone having sex. The only safe sex is abstinence. There is no other way of saying it. There is no sure fire way of knowing. I love him deeply and know that he will get the best care there is for him. He has people, myself among them, that will be there no matter what. It’s hard to comprehend, to imagine. But it’s now slowly becoming a fact of my generation, we think we’re invincible but we’re not.

The cute boy from shopping today called me in the hour after while I was processing. I know he was a complete stranger technically but we had cliqued so well. It felt good to just sit and talk. He walked me the thirteen blocks home from the coffee place we met at and here I am, alone in bed. No matter how much I wanted him tonight there was no way I was going to be able to do anything with this looming over my head. My head wasn't in the right place, nothing was. I was at the edge of reason and somebody was nudging me over the side.