Actually happy to be going home … a lesson in Cognitive Dissonance

I hope everyone has studied up on Cognitive Dissonance before they read this post. If not just follow the link to a brief overview of the concept. If you’d rather GUESS what it is just by reading this then it should be pretty obvious.

I was excited to go on the cruise but wow there are so many reasons right now that I’m happy I’m not let me tell you…

I’m by no means ageist. I can have fun talking to whomever about whatever no matter what they look like or how old they are, people at the HooVille meetings can attest to that. It’s not to say that anyone there is particularly old or possess any negative attributes, I’m just saying that they can vouch for me that I’m a conversational chameleon and can pretty much hold my own and blend into any conversation I want/need to.

This ships capacity is about 325 passengers plus crew. Apparently with all the rooms sold out, there were still only a little over 200 passengers set to sail because of the ABUNDANCE of single occupancy. Through my traumatic experience the cruise coordinator and I became excellent friends and we chatted about little details. There were a couple meetings where we got to know each other and then where I tried to lessen the blow for my client/friend and have him not be charged the full amount despite the last minute cancellation. By the time I was through flirting and finessing this PEACH of a person refunded my entire ticket and only charged my friend as if he were traveling alone and the single supplement.

The funny thing was that despite the low attendance I was excited when I heard the only other 21 year old on board was an Australian dancer on vacation. 21. Australian. Dancer. Could he BE anymore my type? LOL. Apparently the next youngest on the ship was 28. Next came a group of about 70 early to mid thirties. The rest were forty and above. Again, I have no problems hanging out and enjoying myself with older people, but I think the cruise would have gotten a little boring having nobody else at my place in life. These thoughts were confirmed when I realized that the 21 year old on vacation already had friends on board, the other dancers and some crew. Essentially I’d end up being his spare wheel on every outing if even that. Not going on this cruise was sounding better and better.

Early in the morning on Saturday when I received the phone calls about the issue, I knew that there was a chance that there could have been stabilization and certainty that I wouldn’t miss my family passing. Thus, the entire day I was on pins and needles unsure of whether or not the cruise was actually happening. Either way, my client and friend was ready to stand by my decision.

I would frequently check in with the cruise director as the “refund issue” was pending until nearly before I left and last minute return travel arrangements had to be made as well. Luckily my guy only buys full fare tickets that can be changed to whatever so that was the least stress … getting the flights was the only problem we anticipated.

When chatting with the travel guy I asked questions like, “Why the Radisson?” There were so many other things more suitable hotels for a bunch of high maintenance fags that was far closer to the main town (and the Spartacus Approved destinations). Apparently they had used Le Meridien and Negresco regularly.

Unfortunately, the Negresco was only cute in the public rooms and out front, inside the rooms were classic euro-trash chic. Apparently Le Meridien had asked the cruise director the day before guests began to arrive, “This is a family hotel, we do hope you can … tone it down.” After that they never booked there again but it got me wondering, what did they expect? Orgies on the pool deck, ritual virgin sacrifices, perhaps a preach and convert session complete with toasters?

My questions were answered on the elevator en route to cocktails on the terrace last night. A couple got on a cramped elevator, obviously straight English speaking family present as well. A couple of the boys obviously on the ship got on a little tipsy and because of being cramped, the shorter of the two was nose to chest with his companion. At this point, he felt the need to announce, “God your right nipple smells really good right now.” Yep, I’ll be missing out on the epitome of culture this trip.

Getting to the cocktail party made me feel like I was at Mickey’s “Cocktails with the Stars.” A bunch of guys huddled around each other pointing and whispering about everyone else looking for the freshest eye candy to walk up. I felt like I was a piece of meat walking into a nest of hungry hyenas – I could only imagine what being stranded on a ship with nobody to hang out with/talk to the whole time except for them would have been like. Sure I could have done my own thing and seen the ports on my own, but when I do a cruise, I like to meet people and form lasting friendships yadda yadda sappy sweet crap. The pre-cruise cocktail party gave me yet another reason I didn’t want to be on this ship. The amount and possibility of undesirables was totally eminent. Beside, I’m sure I’ll at least get to see pictures from the trip one way or another. On the up side, I did get to wear my new LV speedos tanning on Saturday. The goal was to get as brown as the suit and I came pretty damned close. They were hot … not the pair I wanted but a great bathing suit none-the-less.

As cocktails wound down and I met up with my friend for our last dinner together in France. I discovered that smoking suppresses an appetite and getting addicted to Cohiba Mini-Cigars is NOT a good thing when you’ve bought a few packs duty free for a trip and can’t legally take them home to America. Everybody wish me luck in customs.

As a side note while waiting for my car to pick me up at JFK I wanted to smoke one of said Cohibas. Since they took my lighter before I got on the plane I had to find someone with a light. I went to the smoking group behind me, yellow Cohiba pack in hand, and asked for a light. The customs official lit my cigarette and I froze, of all the people. Thank god he didn't look at the box.

Regardless of everything … I had an amazing trip. A week in Paris and a weekend in Nice is NOTHING to sneeze at. We were planning on cutting the trip short from Venice ANYWAY because of the weather being god awful hot and the canals stinking. Every guide book in the world says the worst time to visit our ports is between July and August, hence why the homos are able to Charter and entire ship during that time – they can’t fill a straight cruise with people. Now I get to spend two full weeks in my favorite city in the world … what could be better?

An update: My family is due to make a full recovery. Now I have other bad news to deal with, blog forthcoming tomorrow most likely. Writing has become an amazing outlet. Streams of consciousness turning into flowing thoughts are honestly much better therapy than a doctor at $150/hr. Seeing my words helps me deal with them and dealing with them helps me understand my feelings.

Coming back to America set me up for a lot of important things like being with my family, my friends on my birthday, and being an ear for my best friend who received news that shattered his world. I'm definitely happier to be home.

And not to dignify trash with a response but it’s sad to see that even someone as vile as Chgo has so little a soul or decency to show compassion to another human being in need. Even people calling me the worst of the worst names on Escort Speak in the past wrotes notes of condolence. He truly is sick and pathetic and I truly hope that he somehow finds the peace he needs shirtless on a ship where nobody would dare bother him.